To my loyal readers, I would like to thank you for your patience as I recover from my narrow encounter with dooce-dom.

In my abscence, I have begun to change. I work out, chat cheerily with my trainer at an ungodly hour, drink lots of water, pretend to eat healthy and have consiquently dropped a cup size. Hence, the staring at the boobage has gotten less frequent, but not all together vanished.

I am not seeking to become entirely humorless, but I am trying to enlarge my blogging muses and subjects. However. This does not come easily to an crusty Porkchop. Bear with me. But if you stop reading altogether, I will be completely understanding. (As if you were seeking my approval for that paticular decision.)

I may, at times, become introspective, suicidal, irritatingly opinionated and generally pointless. No worries! I am not becoming a well-rounded, sweet or demure person. No matter how many times Porkchop writhes on the skillet, there will never be an outcome of candy-striper cheer. (Or stripper for that matter. CANDY STRIPPER! MY NEW STAGE NAM--. Oh. Yes. Introspection. Back to introspection.)

For my faithful readers who told me I was funny, thank you ever so much. For those of you who read me for my scathing commentary, thank you. For those of you who will stick with me through this transition, thank you as well.

Thank you all, and goodnight.