Fake As A 29th Street Louis Vuitton

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When I was thirteen I was rightfully told I was well versed in the art of bullshit. I can sound intelligent on pretty much any subject, with the exception of airplanes. As I have gotten older, I have realized the value of such a gift. I have honed my craft and it is now a joke among many as to my prowess.

Today, I was able to even impress myself.

A customer walked into my office and seated himself in front of my desk. He was a middle aged librarian type. Tweed jacket, leather elbow patches, gold rimmed glasses, polished signature, crisp in his words. Very interesting fellow. Also, highly pretentious.

Sitting behind my desk on my credenza among various family photos is a iron cast statue. I picked it up rather inexpesively the other day at Ikea. It is pretty, fits nicely with my decor and adds a occasional conversation starter.

However, with this gentleman it wasn't going to simply start a conversation, it was going to provide deep and MEANINGFUL conversation for his entire visit in my office. He started off with a barrage of questions regarding it. Name? Name of artist? Signifigance? Era? etc...

At first, I cringed. But then, I realized it was an opportunity for me to reach to the next level of my game. He wants answers?! HE'LL GET ANSWERS! Once he left, he had enough information to write a short text book blurb.

The statue "Life" is a beautifully simple portrayal of the childlike desire to embrace the moments we have and dance. It was crafted by a African child named Muesaka Zwibi whose warrior king father was killed by warring rebels. Muesaka was brought to London where he is currently studying at the Royal College of Art. He hopes to be a generational influence for peace and a advocate for the simplistic beauty and joy that art can bring to the classroom. His collection will be debuted Fall of 2007.

Now if only airplanes were so easy.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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