Caffeine Fueled Verbage

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I have nothing of value to say right now. I'm drumming my fingers, kicking my feet, twitching my head and generally trying to burn of excess energy. I've fortified my energy sources thus far with five espresso shots and have two more doubleshots to last me through the day. Stamina, baby! That's what I'm talking about.

Yes. I stayed up late last night. Very late for a school night, as it were. Listening to the band of a sister's boyfriend's friend's cousin or something like that. Don't try to make the connection. They were actually quite marvelous. I amused myself inbetween sets by keeping snarky commentary on--everyone. I kept things interesting by flinging ice chips on the floor to watch drunken girls slip. Very evil. Yet very laughable.

(I know I'm going to hell for this. Spare me the hate comments/mail/lectures.)

Why is it that all girls under the age of twenty five must look exactly the same and act exactly the same when trying to procure themselves a drunken frat boy to sleep with? While this is perplexing, it is most certainly helpful when conducting case studies. They are all pretty much the same. Nice little pool of shiny people to experiment upon. However, last night the extent of my creativity was ice chip throwing.

Observation for the next life: never, never wear flowing knit pants. They flow into places that you just don't want flowage. Or perhaps you should think about wearing pants slips. Do they make such a thing? I think they need to if they are going to continue polluting the earth with knit gaucho/short/pant thingys.

Observation for this life: never ever, under any circumstances go up behind strangers, grab them 'round the waist and drunkenly whisper in there ear. Well, not unless you enjoy a sharp elbow in the chest, a vicious shove to the floor and the entire restaurant knowing you need to "take a fucking hike".

The beauty of soberly throwing ice chips on the floor is that you are hangover free the next morning and can still laugh about the stupid people you saw. Yes. I like this ice chip business very much. Even if it is hazardous. And probably against the law.

Yes, yes. Very much.

5 Responses to “Caffeine Fueled Verbage”

  1. Anonymous lara 

    everytime i see the word verbage i think: cabbage.


    no reason.

  2. Anonymous Andrew 

    That's cool!

    It's good to know you're not the only person that does that.

    When I was 4 and we said the Lord's prayer every day, the part that says "forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors"......I had no idea what debts and debtors were. So I thought of potato chips for debts, and butter for debtors. Prolly a syllable thing.

    "Forgive us our chips, as we forgive our butters."

  3. Anonymous Kat 

    Amen on the girls getting frat boys thing. Dude, I despise them but I don't blame them - the strategy really does work. College is apparently a guy's paradise - cheap beer, no responsibility, easy work, and free sluts.

  4. Anonymous bekah 

    i want to go to a concert w/ you!

    if you ever come to atlanta, it would be great to use your wit and find a way to make stupid frat boys spill their bud, or something along those lines. :)

    (PS- do people seriously drink bud? nasty-gross!)

  5. Anonymous QOS 

    nah, with southern frat boys it's PBR all the way.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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