I Can Say All This, Because, Occasionally Women Are Supposed To Get A Free Pass On Indecisiveness. Oh Womanhood! How I Hate Thee!

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I'm very careful. Very, very careful. I don't let people in. I am ambivilent, I am calculated, I do not care, people do not effect me.

That's the pathway to a lonely life, and I know it. I've been trying to remedy my ways. But everytime I branch out, reach out, open up--I end up loathing myself for my vunerability.

There is something to a life of cats and solitude. I think those little old ladies are on to something.
But even as I type that, I am ashamed of myself. While I may not be very good at relationships--I have a family who loves me and constantly reaches out to me. My little brother calls in to check on me, my Grandpa wants to help me paint my house, my Mother wants to come live with me and make me fresh vegetable juices--everyone wants to reach out to me. I must remember that reaching out isn't one way. I cannot hoard their love, I must love them back. If I can love them--I can choose to love others.

And right there--I talked myself out of being a lonely old lady with cats.

(I'll just get a dog.)

2 Responses to “I Can Say All This, Because, Occasionally Women Are Supposed To Get A Free Pass On Indecisiveness. Oh Womanhood! How I Hate Thee!”

  1. Anonymous steelcowboy 

    I understand from whence you come. It's hard to turn aside from our natural selves...

  2. Anonymous colanderman 

    Being one who lives a life of solitude, and with a cat I can tell you it has its advantages...

    In my humble opinion your vulnerability coupled with your poised and graceful strength of character make you all the more endearing.

    Someone asked me what I thought of you and I summed it up this way..
    Curvacious and beautiful
    young but ageless
    and my favorite part....

    a charm that can melt stone
    and a fiery wit that can obliterate it

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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