I'm very careful. Very, very careful. I don't let people in. I am ambivilent, I am calculated, I do not care, people do not effect me.

That's the pathway to a lonely life, and I know it. I've been trying to remedy my ways. But everytime I branch out, reach out, open up--I end up loathing myself for my vunerability.

There is something to a life of cats and solitude. I think those little old ladies are on to something.
But even as I type that, I am ashamed of myself. While I may not be very good at relationships--I have a family who loves me and constantly reaches out to me. My little brother calls in to check on me, my Grandpa wants to help me paint my house, my Mother wants to come live with me and make me fresh vegetable juices--everyone wants to reach out to me. I must remember that reaching out isn't one way. I cannot hoard their love, I must love them back. If I can love them--I can choose to love others.

And right there--I talked myself out of being a lonely old lady with cats.

(I'll just get a dog.)