flashbacks


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do you ever have those moments where you snap back to your life--six months ago? a year ago? you are suddenly transposed to a moment of vivid--and in my case possibly violent--emotion? for me, music normally takes me there.

"bad day"--by daniel powter was my theme song early this year. BEFORE it hit the radio and it was just a free itunes download. how many a night did i trot myself home from work, put it on repeat and scream/beat/kick my way to sleep? too many. i remember the air, it was spring. a little cool, with the windows open and all the fresh smells pouring into the sparse living room.

today some old rock ballad came on the radio that i hadn't heard in year. in fact, the last time i listened to it, my heart was bruised and i was quite sure i would never recover. am i the only one who enjoys the perspective of time?

that's why i enjoy waltzes down memory lane. i am reminded that grace comes through again and again. in a year--i'll look at my troubles/worries/problems/general situtation and chuckle. i'll chide myelf for the lack of perspective and inability to see the grace of God. i'll roll my eyes at how caught up i was in the moment instead of the big picture. i'll be breathing and living a whole new set of challenges and problems. the worries of yesterday fading fast--and often the lessons of grace just as quickly.

over and over i have to remind myelf HOW MUCH grace i have been given. it flows. it abounds. the blessings are unlimited. i've been given a brother who makes my heart swell with pride. i've been given a sister who awes me with her dedication and achievement. i've been given another sister who inspires me with her creativity and art. i've been given a father who believes that anything is within my grasp.i've been given a mother who loves me--in her own special quirky way. i've been given roots. i've been given a heritage. i've been afforded opportunities and priviledge. whenever i pause--from my worrying and whining--i am literally made speechless by the gifts i have been given.

there are not words to express the swelling of my heart when it comes to all things related to my family. but that's why i've been given grace--and the rest of my life-- to show them how much they mean to me. they've always been there. unfortunately--due to mortality--they won't always be there. but i am forever grateful for them. one of the many, many gifts of grace from my heavenly father.


2 Responses to “flashbacks”

  1. Anonymous ashley 

    I miss you...

  2. Anonymous 'Liz 

    music does that to me as well. good post.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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