I Love My Sister (Even If She Is Engaged And Disgustingly In Love)


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I have evidenced my affections by staying up far to late for my own good to bake her a delectable birthday cake.

Someone save me. While I wait for my cake to cool, I am:

Surfing the internet--see recently posted gibberish.

Watching Dukes of Hazzard--an education in short-shorts in something I most definately need since my self-esteem was most recently boosted in someone, for the second time in my life, telling me I have nice legs.

Drinking earl grey tea--mock me, but rest assured I was thinking of completely this quaint picture by crocheting a cute lavender afghan to match.... my granny's hair! Nevermind the fact I cannot crochet, knit, cross-stich or even do cat's cradle! I AM SO DEPRIVED, WHO WILL EVER WANT TO MARRY A WOMAN WHO CANNOT MAKE A TOILET PAPER COVER WITH YARN AND A NEEDLE?

Eating cheese, crackers and hot olives--I am SO trying for that whole non-bathing 250 pound woman thing. It seems logical that it might save ME from anything horrific, like engagement or even the dreaded MARRIAGE.

So, yeah. It is now... late. AND HER BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday Princess! You better eat every last fattening crumb of this cake, EVEN IF IT KILLS YOU.



Just keep your shirt on. And make sure it is a long shirt.


3 Responses to “I Love My Sister (Even If She Is Engaged And Disgustingly In Love)”

  1. Blogger The Anything World Blog 

    i find this blog very interesting! feel free to check out my blog, i think it may be of atleast a little interest.

    http://theanythingworld.blogspot.com

    -Matt

  2. Blogger Sask 1 

    Well happy birthday to your sister.
    Will have to teach you how to make the toilet paper covers with the little dolls on the top and then we can make the matching knitted placemats while drinking our earl grey tea.
    God,i think im having a nightmare here.
    June

  3. Blogger Porkchop 

    The whole handicraft thing completely escapes me...

    I am obviously not a real woman.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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