A Choice Between Drunken Sex and Me and Drunken Sex Won

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That's the thing about boyfriends. They always manage to ruin everything. Perhaps it is the girls they are dating and they company I keep, but it seems that they always end up MODIFYING OUR PLANS.

Take into consideration, tonight. A friend of mine who lives down in the middle of godforsakennowhere Virginia with lots of rednecks, watermen and other assorted creatures was going to drag me to some seafood festival as entertainment. Yes. That is correct. She was bringing me along so she could watch me chew up and spit out the aforementioned creatures, just for the fun of it.

I don't know who is more twisted, me or her.

But. In any event. This whole fabulous evening of creature and crustacian chewing was RUINED when her boyfriend informed her he might want to do something with her tonight.

Granted, watching me carry out a shock and awe campaign on the idiots of the lower shore might not be exactly fascinating, but it has GOT to beat sitting at home, HOPING your boyfriend might stumble in for some drunken sex.

Or perhaps I just think to highly of myself.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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