join the Army for chicks. Or the Marines, or, well, anything with a uniform for that matter. UPS, janitor and waiter, are all a little iffy for the chick factor. If you get to carry a gun, it definitely helps.

I have this friend, since I would hate to destroy anonymity, but for the sake of clarity, we need to give him a name, so, let let's call him "Dave".

He has tried stalking, stealing other guy's girlfriends (at the liquor store nonetheless), begging on his knees, the chivalrous act, soliciting cocktail waitresses, advertising his type, and even going on a date with the scathing Porkchop. All, apparently, to no avail.


So, he told me that he was thinking about joining the Green Berets or being a cop. Because, not only would it provide him the liberty of beating his girlfriend without repercussions, but, in lieu of the aforementioned desired girlfriend he could:

"Have wild anonymous sex with strange beautiful women."

I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions for "Dave" on the capturing of strange, beautiful women for wild anonymous sex. It seems are only other option is to give him a firearm and badge.

Think. Quick. This is a matter of national security and my TAX DOLLARS.