Drawing To A Close

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When I was younger I would beat the living daylights out of my little brother. Seriously. I mean it. It was fighting for our lives. Survival of the fittest. Once, our parents made this mistake of leaving us home alone for a week with sisters who worked most of the day. Home alone? We sported bruises and missing clumps of hair for weeks to come.

In short. I spent most of my childhood with Fredd incurring pain upon him. We did have a bit of fun together. We had a couple of cool playhouses. We rode bikes together. We rebelled against the older siblings. And then he grew up. Like, a foot taller than me. And suddenly I was the one reminding him "you never hit a lady" and other such helpful rules I had conviently forgotten.

And then there was the whole "I'm Too Cool For Little Brothers Stage" where I ignored him and let him fend for himself. There isn't a moment of that stage I wish I couldn't take back. I did beat up and slap around my fair share of guys who picked on him, but I wish I did it every time. I wish I was a better older sister. I wish I hadn't spent so much time being frustrated because he was smart and I didn't understand what he was saying.

People used to say "You'll see. One day you'll be best of friends with your brother." And I never believed them. Paticularly the moment when he answered to the door to one of my dates with a shotgun. Seriously? No. Not happening.

But it did happen. I love that kid. He makes me beam with pride whenever I talk about him. Which is to pretty much everyone. He's funny. Smart. Kind. He influences more people than he'll ever understand. Honestly? I'd rather take him to the movies than a date. He keeps hilarious commentary with me. Instead of shushing me. He does crazy outlandish things with me. He rolls his eyes and pats me on the head when I say something paticularly stupid. He lets me rip his fanstastic music collection. He comes over before school and says things like "You look beautiful this morning!" He picks up a cd he'll think I might like. He comes over and visits his spinsterly sisters on a Friday night instead of partying with all the kids. He drinks tea with us and plays cards. He makes me incredibly grateful.

And I'm sad. Because he leaves in a month. And I'll have no more Fredd. He'll be far away. And he's grown up. And that makes me cry. Because it'll never be the same. I'm sure it will be good. He'll come back and be the fabulously handsome brother with the glamorous life. But it will never be the same. Because I'll never have anything to offer him. And while he's still here. I'm kind of a cool sister.

I'll miss that. And him.

1 Responses to “Drawing To A Close”

  1. Anonymous lara 

    this post makes me want to weep.

    wah. i lub u. lament! i'm listening.

    because i will have to traverse these exact emotions this time next year with eric...who i would also rather take to the movies than a date. and i expect you to be there, with tissues.

    *weepy smile*

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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