I Get It, I Think

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Lately, I've been developing a little list of man things I secretly like. You know, thing that good aloof girls like me aren't supposed to enjoy. Beer, speaking straight to the point, remote controls. You know, all those horrible things I used to eschew. Anyway. Today I experienced something I never thought I would understand.


Oh yeah, baby. My father has a lawn mower which cost roughly three times as much as my car. This thing is... beautiful. It drives faster than you can mow. When I first clambered onto the seat and grasped the controls, I was more than a little scared for my life. At first I took down a few small trees, gouged some holes into the turf and took out half a boxwood. But as I drove and got used to it, I realized how much fun this thing is!

Two and a half hours, a major case of sunburn and no more grass left to mow, I was hooked. I wanted more grass! More space! I wanted a obstacle course to maneuver this thing! I wanted this to be a part of my Dad's list of manly requirements: Take Huge Grass Mowing Machine Through Obstacle Course Sucessfully. (Among other things on his list of What You Need To Do To Be A Man are jumping off a bridge, taking a truck with a trailer attached backwards through a obstacle course, eating raw oysters and going head to head over theology.)

What really scared me was when Dad said "Go down to Central Tractor and sit on some of those cheap toy lawnmowers" and I totally could see why. So we could laugh and scoff about our superior mower.

I'm scared now. Really, really scared.

3 Responses to “I Get It, I Think”

  1. Anonymous steelcowboy 

    You should look into lawnmower racing...

  2. Anonymous QOS 

    by the way, the Hustler Z-Turn is a totally sweet ride and it's also one of the few lawnmowers in its class with dual cupholders.

  3. Anonymous Ashley 

    I wanted you to know that I had to cut the grass for my dad yesterday with his new Cub Cadet. I would not call it the Cadillac of lawnmowers. I would not even call it the Cavalier of lawnmowers. I was thinking of you and grew jealous of your superior lawnmower. Then I realized that my tractor wouldbe one of the ones you scoffed at Central Tractor. Now I'm scared. Really scared.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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