i have yet another birthday approaching in a few weeks. just thinking about getting a year older depresses and tires me. it doesn't help that fall has already filled me with yearning to be anywhere--but here. i tire of being alone. i tire of having no life plan. i tire of being me.

sometimes life just makes you ache. and the only thing worse than longing is longing alone.

i feel restless, cranky and a wee bit sad. i have no idea why. i wish i did.

conversation with le brother:

porkchop: "i hate the terps. i mean, for the love of pete, they are turtles. football is big! fast! violent! and they are turtles."

fredd: "couldn't they think of something better?"

porkchop: "it could be the logical explanation for why they never win. we thought football was about being slow? and peaceful?"

fredd: "venus flytraps could do more damage."

porkchop: "go get 'em. ya big fierce turtles!"

fredd: "their mascot is just this big fat guy. at halftime, they bring him out on a cart and he eats some leaves or something then they scream GO TERPS!! EAT.. THOSE.. LEAVES!!"

porkchop: "SNAP YOUR LITTLE TURTLE TRAPS!! look fierce, boys!!!"

fredd: *snort* "exactly."

porkchop: *scoffs* "exactly."

porkchop:

for all the hard work you that seems unappreciated.
for all the support and kindess you showed to annie in her time of sorrow.
for all the neck rubs.
for all the support and encourageing words you give to me and other just when we need it!
for all the cakes you bake with love.
for all you do for the soldiers.
for just being porkchop... the way God intended.

you are a true blessing to all.

love:

a few people

a note recently given to me by some of the staff.

i miss my little brother something fierce. this is evidenced by the fact i managed to let myself be wrangled into cooking dinner for a bunch of the guys i work with that live together. (purely in a frat-house kind of way, not gay orgy.) i cooked them dinner and in return they told funny guy stories which left me doubled over with laughter. i hadn't laughed that hard since my little brother left.

it reminded me of how much i desperately miss him. with him, i am able to indulge my secret love of guy-humor. watching super-troopers, dumb&dumber, etc. i am really quite ashamed that i find it all funny, but i do. paticularly when i am with him. i can't wait until he comes home. we'll play football. we'll watch stupid movies. we'll make fun of people. he'll tell me i'm gorgeous and that i am the coolest sister ever.

i'll pretend i believe him. but really i know i'm the one getting the best end of this deal.

richard: "if i gave you $100 would you show me your boobs?"

me: "absolutely not"

richard: "$200?"

me: "no"

richard: "$300?!"

me: *steely glare *

richard: *begging* "$1000?!?!" (as if that were the largest amount of money fathomable)

me: *continues typing *

richard: "how much? name. your. price."

me: "dignity has no price. nor can it be bought."

richard: "my heart is dashed into a thousand pieces! please?! PLEASE?!"


you know, when i wasyoung and innocent people used to say "she's going to be a heartbreaker" this was not at all how i imagined it.

recently overheard regarding myself:

"she was smokin' when i first met her. now. she's... not so smokin'"

it's time for a diet.

actual dialouge between me and a salesman:

me: "hello, richard, how are you today?"

richard: (looking petulant) "ok."

me: "just okay?"

richard: "i'd be alot better if i could see your boobies!"

me: (unruffled) "don't you get to see lonnie's* boobies every night?

richard: "yes, i do. but i'm tired of them. it's like having to eat chicken for dinner every night when you want shrimp! ALL YOU CAN EAT SHRIMP!"

me: "maybe you should have thought about this before you moved onto the poultry farm. hmm?"

richard: (peevishly glares)

*his live in girlfriend of a month who he describes as "having a guy friend. but with boobs!"