My life has taken on a generally trollish tinge, and in more ways than one.

First of all, this weekend was my very first real fashion show. Hurrah for me. Anyway, they asked what they could do to my hair, I said anything they wanted, thinking they would make it look good. They also said they were going to put TEMPORARY pink in my hair... temporary means it comes out, right? Think again. My hair is in what is called a "step bob" meaning it is practically shaved in the back, and then uneven in the front. Yes, it is as horrible as it sounds. Then, they gave me bangs, and this long piece of hair, which is all BRIGHT pink, including the shaved part.

I have never felt so revultingly hideous in my entire life. Every time I look in the mirror it puts me on the verge of tears. Oh, and the parts that aren't pink are... white blond. I look like a wanna-be punk, a dork, goth, rocker barbie, something. Very Kelly Osborne, and that is not a compliment in the least. I have taken to wearing hats and dissolving into tears at unexpected moments. I could go get it fixed, but I really don't want to spend MORE money, because I am trying to get the family payed back ASAP.

Oh, this morning I shampooed my hair seven times, and it is still troll-hair-pink. My family has been wonderfully sweet about this whole thing, as well as Zeke, but I know they are lying when they say it looks good, because it looks TERRIBLE. It looked ok when the hairstyle people fixed it, but since I washed my hair, the pink bled onto the white blond, giving me a generally pink tinge to my entire head. And I can't fix it like the hair people did, because they are professionals, and spent like seven hours on it,

Moving along, well, actually I can't move along, because this whole hair things has severely warped my perspective on life, and supposedly if I can pull this hairstyle off, then I will be a much better person. But I can't pull it off, and that is that. I think, I'll go cry.

My last nerve has not only been gotten on, but be gotten on, trampled and thrown out the window,and that was two hours ago. I have lost any sense of patience and any sort of charitable human quality which you may recieve from me is most definately forced. My day was simply filled with horrific people who should be shot.

And I on the other hand, deserve the medal of honor for putting up with them, and making them think that I am a nice person! But I am not going to dwell on the evils of life, or the evil people that happen to be in it, instead I have to go paint the den, some more. And continue my generally frustrating life.

I would like to post some of the lovely pictures my sister made it possible for me to post, but alas! I do not have the URL's handy at the moment, so I will just think aloud for a second.

Last night at modeling school, we had a male instructor. Please understand our instructor quit, and so for the last few weeks we have been shuffled from piller to post, they randomly throw whatever instructor happens to be handy at our mercy. Well, last night the male instuctor was observing our runway skills, or lack thereof and asked us why we didn't feel comfortable on the runway. Some people were truthful,and others gave some bull crap answers, but I honestly said because I knew I was too fat to ever do runway and didn't really see the point.

He then launched into this little speech about how I am not fat, blah, blah, blah. Well, of course he was going to say that, he is PAID to say that, and like he would tell anyone they are fat. Anyway, as I KNEW would happen, Joy came home and told Dad, who gave me a little speech about self-confidence. Of course, to be expected. Don't even get me started about the likelyhood of me being able to model.

And then, over the past few weeks it has really been hitting me how I really, really do not want to be a nurse. But, since I don't have any better ideas, or better courses of action, we must proceed. Today while I was in court, another long story, it occoured to me how much I miss doing office work. Not necessarily that, but I miss the structure, the making things happen, the thrill of finishing a project.

am sure being a nurse will be great, just great, but do I really want a job where I am on my feet for twelve hours at a time? Where I get to go to work in something that resembles sleeping wear? I have all these great ideals about nursing, and read great things, but have get to meet a person with the kind of job I want, or the type of person I want to be. Don't get me wrong, I know tons of nice people who are nurses, but not necessarily the TYPE of person I want to be. I know, I know, I can start a new trend, or something like that, but... anyway. I am sure I can live with it.

Besides, if I am not to do that, what am I to do? Stupid reason to proceed but, oh well. I feel my stronger points are administration, creative thinking, and organization, and making up inspirational bull.

Alas. I'll just weep about it for a bit, and I'll be ok.

Just for the general information of everyone who happens to read this, I have changed my address to http://farmbarbie.blogspot.com/

Editor's Note: The Farm Barbie was not aware that the old address routed everything to the new one, so you have not missed anything. Not that you were worried.

Yesterday I was very trollish and generally podge-like. I am not sure quite why, which isn't a good thing, I was very tired, and people were getting on my nerves, and my heart ached for Laura and what she is going through.

After I spent time with Zeke, he cheered me up and it was nice to just get away, but after that, Joy and I drove down to Rita's to get italian ice, only to find they don't take credit cards. And my wallet has mysteriously disappeared, again! But we came home and had a nice talk with Laura, and watched a very stupid chick flick that was rather annoying, it had no conclusion!

But as for Laura, I felt terrible because I know there is nothing, absolutely nothing anyone can say to take away that sickening ache in the pit of your stomach, you just have to... grieve. To quote a friend "The world would be a much less complicated place without emotions". And of course, in true form, I was dangeriously near getting AJ's cell phone number and calling him up to get a piece of my mind. I told Laura what I would love to tell him, and it made her laugh for a little while, so that was nice. I will not type hear what I would love to tell that little Marine twerp, some blog readers might find it offensive, and it is not ladylike or genteel.

I just want to say, to every person, young or old, who happens to know Laura, you need to contact her in some manner or form, and tell her that you are so very grateful that she had the courage, and the strength to do the right thing, even if it felt like she was throwing away the best thing that ever happened to her, even if it seemed like it made her feel worthless, even if right now she feels like her heart has been run through a meat grinder, and then jumped on.

Laura- You are so valuable! You are going to make the RIGHT guy so very happy, a guy who sees how much your worth, and how much you have sacrificed for the RIGHT person. He will treat you like a princess, he will love you to the ends of the earth, maybe he will like our family :), but most of all, there will be a happy ending, and he will be the prince you have dreamed of since you were little. And until then, any loser/creep, military or otherwise, better keep their smooth lines and sticky hands away from you. Because if he doesn't, it will be a sad, sad day for them.
I love you deary! And please remember that.

And just for the record, AJ, I don't love you. And you had better stay far, far away, or it will not be a happy ending for you. You smug, evil, trollish, podge-like, vermin.

My dearest older, skinnier sister just came into the office to inform me that she saw Jared in the Wal-Mart parking lot, where he came up, hugged her, spun her around and greeted her with "Hey Beautiful!".

Truely, there was a time when I would have cared but now... Hah! TRY and make me care. Used to, even when I pretended that I wasn't interested in Jared, as we all know, I was. But, I am honestly not. And if I was going to admit to anyone that I was, of course I would, to you my loyal bloggers. =)

I'm sorry, but his pimping, creepy, slimy, whorish ways are of no interest to me. (Now is the time for someone to pipe up "Tell us how you really feel"!) This is my blog, so thank you very much, I can say whatever I want. People tell me all sorts of interesting things that he was doing while I was going out with him, now. Why couldn't they tell me then? Of course, looking back I ignored about a dozen huge flashing signs that things weren't going to work out, that he wasn't right, etc. But people still feel the need to update me on who he's with, how he looks, etc. I DO NOT CARE!

First of all, I know that he regrets it, big time. I am gorgeous, and sweet, and had unending patience for his immaturity, and his immature friends.

Secondly, by far, I got the better end of the deal when he broke up with me. I now have the most amazing guy that I only dreamed about.

Thirdly, I do not make mistakes that stupid twice, I have precautionary measures set up so that does not happen.

Fourthly, for the first time in a long, long time, I genuinely feel free from him. Free from the compulsion to care about him, free from the guilt of when HE screws up, free from allot things.

Fifthly, my relationship with the Lord is so much stronger then it has been in awhile. When Jared and I first started going out, it was ok, but after that it was pretty much downhill. Sixthly, I am happy, genuinely happy. My family supports me, and I am happy with no niggling worries deep down inside, and I am not going to let Jared bring me down.

Yes, I am very sad that he has chosen the way he has chosen. Because for awhile, it looked like he was going to make right choices and makes something out of his life. But now, he just doesn't care. But you know what? That is not my problem! If he wants to sleep around with underage girls, get drunk, and generally make a mess of his life, I'm sorry, but I honestly tried.
!!Whew!! I feel cleansed.

I am so very tired! I am highly annoyed because I could not sleep last night, partially because it was too hot, and partially because I hate my pillows. But, not once, but TWICE I ended up with my head at the foot of the bed. And if that isn't bad enough, when I DO sleep, I have very strange dreams. Very aggrivating. And it seems like no matter how much I sleep I can't get enough. And I have very dark circles under my eyes. AND I can't sleep when I want to!!

The more I get to know Zeke, the more he continues to amaze me. He is so very sweet, and gentle, and blunt... =) I truely do feel bad for Laura, that AJ is gone. I feel her pain, but I know there is nothing I can do. But when she sits in a pathetic little heap on the bed and sniffles "I just miss AJ" you feel like packing her up in a FedBox and sending her overnight. Not because it's aggrivating, but because you feel so terrible for her.

And then we have poor Joy. Poor, dear, sweet, lonely, beautiful Joy. Doug does not deserve her, she knows it, we know it, and apparently everyone does but Doug. Anyway, just in case my blog has acquired a following, (which we all know is very unlikely) if any of you faithful readers happen to be under the age of fifty, single, very good-looking, and in seach of a high energy beauty queen, give Joy a email, or IM or something. =) Bwahaha. She is going to read that and freak out.

Well, I have to go run errands, so toddles!

I changed my user name from MarineChic to FarmBarbie, but for some reason it didn't change my address. I am rather distraught, because my MarineChic days are definately over. Don't even get me started...

Speaking of Marines, just in case anyone wants a update, we are currently in peace talk negotiations as far as civil behavior is concerned. I am personally not worried about anything past that. Actually, if it were up to me, I would tell him never to come to my house again and leave me alone. But that wouldn't be very nice, and my sisters would most likely be slightly annoyed. Not that anyone would CARE if Jared hated us, but if the whole Nelson family didn't like us, they couldn't work out. And for that they would kill me.

Zeke is the sweetest, most understanding, patient, incredibley likeable, and generally amazing person, ever! I cannot even begin to describe what a wonderful person he is, not only does he treat me like a princess, but he actually, genuinely loves my family. Not because he has to, not because he needs to, but because he wants to. Because he thinks they are the coolest family ever. I never thought there would be a guy out there who was everything that I dreamed of. Just for the record, I kept a private blog with everything I wanted in Mr. Right and he fits everything and then some. The best thing is we just have FUN together, he makes me laugh so hard, and we can do anything and it's a blast. It's not like we have to entertain ourselves, we can just talk and talk and talk... and have a really great time. There are a thousand little things that make him such a great person, but I think I'll save the rest for my journal.